Baring my soles

Tonight after work, while gazing into a store window admiring the display, a man approached me. He handed me a card and immediately went into a pitch that he had very obviously given many times to many women on many streets. Living in the city, my initial reaction to these kinds of approaches is "Which excuse can I give to get out of this as soon as possible? I'm late for something? I don't have any cash on me? I'll be sure to check it out, thank you, bye?"

But this time it was different. This guy wanted to take video of the soles of my feet. Five minutes of video, to be precise. Oh, and the "dirtier and nastier the better". I was intrigued. And he had cards. Professional, customized, glossy cards. So I heard him out. Apparently he's pitching a pilot to HBO about how flaws, idiosyncrasies, quirks, bad habits, etc. are beautiful and that when beautiful women have flaws it doesn't detract from the beauty. I can get on board with that. Still a bit cheesy and far-fetched for my taste, but who really cares. And he said he picked his company name in an attempt to sound "rich and jewish", and I love Jews.

I remembered reading something somewhere about a woman who had a boy approach her asking to take pictures of her feet for a "school project" and later found out that the photos of her feet ended up on a fetish porn site. The woman in the story was embarrassed and upset. I was okay with the idea. Because if someone is watching video of my the soles of my feet on YouTube as part of a low-budget TV pilot for some weird show or watching video of my feet on a foot fetish porn site to get off to, does it really make a difference? Nah. And if you can get off to video of dirty feet, well then be my guest.

So, I took off my shoes and showed him the soles of my feet. He said they looked red and tired but not quite dirty and stinky enough and asked me when was the next time I would be able to wear my stinkiest shoes. Sunday, I said. So, I told him maybe I'd email him and wear my stinkiest shoes and meet him on Haight Street on Sunday.

Wait, what?

The shortest distance between two points

While at the bus stop in a semi-sketchy part of downtown, a man approached the stop. I tried to look my toughest which, being 5'2", only goes so far. He said "Hey! You're a real diamond in the rough!" which made me laugh because it was such an awesomely ridiculous thing to say at 11 PM at a bus stop to a stranger, but hey, not in San Francisco. Anyway, as I smiled, he lit up and went on to tell me a story about how he's 39 and he used to be "what some people might call a Gigolo". " At that point I started to wonder if he was going to ask me to prostitute myself and work for him. But he continued saying that now the Lord has shown him that he needs to appreciate the beauty He creates, but he can just "look, not touch"... thank god. He said something about how I was like the sunshine (it's amazing how often I've been compared to sunshine since moving to the Bay Area), so again I laughed. He said "In geometry, I learned the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. And your teeth are a straight line." Haha! I told him to thank the braces. Then he asked me for fifty cents. I told him sorry, and that my bus was arriving to which he replied, "Can't wait to watch you strut that catwalk onto the bus". And that I did.

Biblical Bookmark

This morning as I stepped out my door on my way to work, there was a woman at my neighbor's door. She asked me if I was going to work, and I said yes. Then she handed me a little pamphlet titled "You Can Trust the Bible". I smiled and took it thinking "Oh, I have been needing a bookmark" at which point I realized that the book I am reading (for which I need said bookmark) is Darwin's On the Origin of Species. Oh, the irony!

Obviously she didn't see the title of the book I was holding. Or maybe she did and was attempting to save my soul from a fiery eternity in hell with Darwin and his science rubbish. What a dear.

I won't take no fuckin bus

Last night on my way home from a friend's place around 1 AM, I was surprised to have company at my bus stop. It was a man and a woman, and the man was yelling about not wanting to take "no fuckin bus" and about something that included the quote "I don't fuckin trust no one. I don't even trust my own mother and that bitch made me."

How nice.

After ranting for a few minutes he walked away... still yelling. I could hear his voice getting softer as he got further away. Then the woman asked me for matches. Sorry ma'am.

Hello

This blog's purpose is to record all of the wonderful and ridiculous things that happen when you live in a city, especially a city like San Francisco. From the hilarious compliments I get from homeless men, to the bearded men in wedding dresses boarding my bus, to the Japanese Porn DVD I picked up from the sidewalk thinking it was a stranger's mix CD, there is never a dull day in the city.

The greatest thing about living in a city is that everything is shared - the buildings, the sidewalks, the stories, the music, the belongings left on street corners, and the experiences. And those are what make city life beautiful. So, share your stories of sidewalk encounters, bus conversations, and crazy sights! After all, what more is a city than a group of people hanging out together?